How could I not see Him??

Things haven’t exactly been going the way I would like them to over the past few days and weeks…and it’s been very discouraging and frustrating. But why am I letting those things bring me down, why am I focusing on those?

I have an amazing group of friends and family!! I was looking today at pictures from our snow retreat last weekend and just seeing the laughing, smiles, ridiculous faces and snapshots of moments that are not replaying in my head…I realized how incredibly lucky I am!! It has been hard for me being able to feel like God is here with me, but how can I not see Him?? How is it that I’ve been surrounded by this amazing place, people He has placed in my life…and still I said that I couldn’t see or feel Him there…I don’t know…but now I do.

I came to Forest Grove only knowing one person, and not very well at the time. I made friends fairly easy considering how I usually have been with meeting new people. I didn’t do this on my own…but I never would have in a million years thought that I would feel so at home here and love it so much here! I never would have pictured finding a group that I fit so good with; having the feeling of family that I never have before. I love this group, PCF and Refuge!!

 

I searched for love when the night came and closed it in

I was alone, but you found me where I was hiding

And now I’ll never ever be the same

It was the sweetest voice that called my name, saying

You’re not alone for I am here

Let me wipe away your every fear

My love, I’ve never left your side

I have seen you through the darkest night

And I’m the one who loved you all your life, all your life.

~ You’re Not Alone, Meredith Andrews

xoxo sarah

Stock Check

An emotional inventory.

This past 2 weeks have thrown me through a loop. They have been ones of learning, reevaluating, questioning, love, opening up, forgiving, being forgiven, vulnerability…laughing, crying, stressing, and talking.

“The kingdom of the heavens
Is now advancing
Invade my heart
Invade this broken town
The kingdom of the heavens
Is buried treasure
Will you sell yourself
To buy the one you’ve found?

Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

Our God in heaven
Hallowed be
Thy name above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread
Forgive us wicked sinners
Lead us far away from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons“

Your Love is Strong, Jon Foreman

 I have been recognizing areas of my life. Where my priorities lie. Where do I place them? Right now…school, work and figuring out how it is going to be possible for me to stay here next year. I know where I want my priorities to be…on my relationship with God. While talking with a friend, I finally recognized why I am so hesitant to make the jump off the clif into fully living my life for Christ. The already established fact that I like having control. I am afraid that the call will be too great…that I won’t be strong enough to do what He asks of me. I know that the way I am doing things is not working. I’m afraid of failing, of falling…as I wrote these few words this is what I heard:

“I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I’m calling
Lord, You catch me when I’m falling
And You’ve told me who I am
I am Yours”

Who Am I, Casting Crowns 

I always had the idea that my relationship with Christ would grow once I was out of my comfort zone, when I was on my own, out of the house…putting myself in situations where I would need strength. But that’s not the case, I am just relying on myself more and more.

“For your nearness I am hoping
For your nearness Lord I long
Have no need of any other
I have found where I belong
Yes, I have found where I belong

So draw me nearer Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer Lord
Draw me nearer Lord“

Draw Me Nearer, Meredith Andrews

xoxo sarah