Monthly Archives: May 2010

I wish…


“I wish I could be five years old, when the hardest decision was choosing what crayon I wanted…”





This is the best teacher I have ever had!:) 

I am officially a high school graduate! As of Thursday, May 27, 2010 at 5.30 🙂

It was an amazing feeling, although none of us really felt like we were about to be college students. After the ceremony, and many pictures with friends and family. Me and a few friends headed down to Santa Cruz for one of the funnest nights ever!:)

I love you guys, and am so glad that you are my friends!



Do you ever feel like you are detatched from the rest of the world? Do you ever feel like you are an outisder in the one place where you’re supposed to belong more than anywhere?

I can’t help it…it’s just that everytime I open my mouth and try to voice my opinion…someone gives me crap because of it. I’m stuck either way…if I don’t open my mouth, I’m unhappy and feel like I’m the one who’s being cheated out of fairness. But when I do open up, I’m put down for doing it…and then everyone hates me, because I’m always the one who seems to start the fights that seem like they never end.

There’s no winning is there??

5 days!


I am officially 5 days away from graduating high school! I cannot believe this one bit! I don’t feel like it’s close at all, it hasn’t set in. This time next week I will officially no longer be a high school student. Everyone tells me that the summer after graduation and before starting college can be one of the best summer experience you ever have because you just feel more free, you’re on your own, your own person….although I am still expected to check in with my parents with everymove I make.

I was talking to one of my teachers today, the only one who has been with me all 4 years. She was my advisor for 2 and my math teacher for the other 4 years. She is truly one of the best teachers I have ever had! Not only because she’s a great teacher, but because she was there for me when I was a freshman and didn’t know anyone and was going through some pretty tough stuff. So anyways, she was signing my yearbook today and we were talking about how much I’ve changed since freshman year, and how much I’ve made it through. So on my walk home, I was thinking about all those things she was saying, and al the drama that I’ve been through with different people. Some of them I’m still friends with, others…well let’s just say, I’m a better person because of the situations. On the other hand, some of those situations still hurt, it’s something I will never be able to change, I will never know what would have happened. And I have to learn to be ookay with that and move on. We are all on our way to college, and most of the people who I have been with for the past 4 years, I will never see again. But there are those few relationships that WILL be kept, and I hope to be friends for the rest of my life with these people.

“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened”

                                       ~Dr. Seuss 🙂

time to sleep.  




So I really should be practicing my senior ex presentation right now. But I’m not, I’m finding meaningless things to do that will keep me away from having to practice. I should not be doing this, seeing that my presentation is on thursday evening. I am beginning to develop a case of senioritis…and to be honest, I am suprised that I have held out this long. With all the stress I have had going on this year between AP classes/exams, senior ex, college and scholarship applications…I am very suprised that I have kept up with everything until now. Aside from pre-calculus, I have kept up with my nightly homework…that is why I am still able to keep decent grades while still failing all of my tests. So, do your homework…it pays off.

From today there are 10 days left until I am no longer a high school student. I cannot believe that this is finally happening…it feels so close, yet so far away at the same time.

Well I shall get back to practicing.

Reason Season or Lifetime


People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

I met someone knew a week ago, and they gave me a very valuable piece of information. All she said was “reason season lifetime”, then she explained to us what it meant, ever since then it has stuck with me…and has helped me through a very difficult trial that I have been dealing with. She was at the meeting, at that time for a reason. This has sort of given me a peace, a comfort that people will leave…but I can be ok with it.

I can more forward from situations…and people. Although it will be very hard, and at some times I will not want to…I am realizing that I will grow from it, each time someone new comes into my life and leaves…I will have something that I can take with me for the rest of my life; advice or experience that I can apply later on in my life, or teach someone else. At this point I feel like I am rambling and just jumping all over the place…but oh well. This is sort of theraputic just writing like this, even if it’s not about what I’m feeling…

There have been people who have come and gone in my life, and there are a handful that have stayed…and that I know will be here forever. For those who have supported me, continue to support me and will one day help to support me…I love you.



Have you ever just had a feeling, but you don’t know what it is? Just a feeling of numbness…when there are just some things that no matter what you try to do, it just feels like you’re getting nowhere. I finally put myself out there, I put my feelings out on the line…and they were almost thrown back into my face ust a little time later.

Then I try to reach out to someone else, and you refuse…it’s not the refusal that sucks as much as the way you refuse, and what comes after that. I can’t tell you how I feel about this, because you will take it the wrong way and just get even more mad. I’m trying to fill the position that I have not filled up until now…and I should have been there. But when I say something about it, you find someone else to go to…

This is why I don’t like putting my feelings out for others to see, I try…and then they just get shoved back into my face. There are a specific group of people who I trust with these feelings; because they have proven their support and love to me. 

I…I don’t know where I am supposed to go from here…I guess I will find this out in the next few months. Maybe this is what college is for?? I honestly have no idea how this is going to play out…I am indifferent.