Monthly Archives: October 2011

shatter

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a glass jar sits on a table
slowly it’s nugged closer
and closer
to the edge,
but being careful to never let it fall.

one day an earthquake comes
the class shakes back and forth
and we’re afraid it’s going to fall
and break
but it doesn’t
it is one piece
and continues to be

so here we are again
nugging closer
and closer
until one day…
it’s time
we push it off
watch it fall
and shatter

we think there is no way to get it back,
no fixing that can be done
but oh so wrong we are.
gently we pick up each piece
and lay them side by side.
the new adventure is,
putting them back together.

the jaded edges,

the chips and scrapes,

these make
a special, individual, creation.

No matter where I’ve been, no matter where I am. God will take my just as I am, whole, broken, shattered. He just wants me. Sometimes it takes the shattering to be able to really understand. And without being there, we can’t be made into something new. Something better.

“But You never said the road would be easy
But You said that You would never leave
And You never promised that this life wasn’t hard
But You promised You’d take care of me

So I’ll stop searching for the answers
I’ll stop praying for an escape
And I’ll trust You God with where I am
And believe that You will have Your way
Just have Your way, just have Your way

When my friends and my family have left me
And I feel so ashamed and so cold
Remind me You take the broken things
And turn them into beautiful”

Britt Nicole, Have Your Way

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This crazy love

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It’s been a long time since I’ve been successful at udpating this. I have tried many times. The business overtakes, the worries seem too much, and the good seems too good for words. So much is happening I don’t know where to start.

I am happy. When I thought about moving away for school, I never thought that I would be this happy. I didn’t think I would enjoy pursuing the knowledge I am this much. I didn’t think I would ever have a sense of family like I did before..in some ways I was right…this one is different, this one is stronger. The past 2 months have dug deeper into my heart than I thought was there-I didn’t think that I could have had a more life changing year than the last…don’t ever say that. It has been filled with laughs, smiles, memories, new foods 🙂 and words of encouragement. When I think about how it has been different than last year, let alone the past 18 years, I am constantly surrounded with examples of how to be living for Christ. The excitement that is given off about Jesus, the change that it makes-all makes me want to change more. This has not all come with rainbows and unicorns, it has included hard questions and laying aside my inhibitions.

There has been alot of fear and anxiety clouding my vision of what has been happening. Doubt that I won’t be good enough, that I won’t know what to do or say, that I will fail, that I’m not enough. Instead of being built up in a false way and being told that I am enough on my own, and that I will always know what to say…I have been reminded that I am enough when I ask God to help me fill the holes, that He will give me the right words to say.

Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what’s happening in our lives. Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control.” ~Francis Chan, Crazy Love.

Our leadership team has been reading through this book together in an attempt to understand more of this crazy love and how it really should change our lives. This quote about worry and stress calls me out and makes me examine who I believe God to be, and who he is in my life. When I worry about what to say or not being good enough, what is my purpose in that? Is it because I don’t want to look like a fool or is it because I truly care and want to be used by God in every way possible-and I want to truly be able to make a difference? The answer to this question can bring out an aspect of each of us that we don’t like to admit. Pride. When I keep my mouth closed because I want to maintain an image that everyone sees-the focus is on me. When I keep quiet because I am afraid of misspeaking-I need to turn to God and ask him to put the right words into my mouth.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9.This verse reminds me that it’s okay that I don’t know everything, it gives hope and security that God doesn’t leave us to figure all this out on our own. He is there to hold our hand and walk through life with us.

I hope to be back soon with more adventures to tell 🙂