So for those of you who don’t know…I love singing! When I sing, it’s like I’m in a totally different world and all my problems and struggles just seem to disappear. It’s like some sort of therapy for me I guess.
I used to sing in high school, each day that was like my piece of heaven on earth. But at the end of my junior year I had a decision to make, stay where I had been in choir for the past 3 years…and in a way it was sort of a demotion, or stand up for myself and do what I wanted to do. So I did, unfortunately under the specific circumstances, it required me quiting the class for my senior year. This was the hardest decision I have ever made in my life! But I did it for the basis of principle, I had to stand up for myself. So neadless to say, I survived without choir. I had friends and nursery school! But there has always been a part of me that has missed singing in a way that no one can understand unless you have experienced it for yourself. There were few occassions where I would have the opportunity to sing and afterwards, I would have this extreme desire to sing over and over! Realizing this, I made a change…even though they were just simple fixes like listening to my iPod more and just singing when I had more free time.
So now comes to what is currently going on. As you know, I am attending college at Pacific University of Oregon. When I came into college, there was a part of me that could not shake the fact that I wanted to sing. One of the first things I saw at the school was the choir hall; I immediately made the decision that I wanted to sing at the school no matter what. Well when I signed up for my classes, choir was not one of the ones I chose. I was afraid of overloading myself on my first semester and so I figured I would make the sacrifice. But once I was here, and beginning classes and stuff, I not only realized that how I was handling the change so far, but how much I missed singing. I kept saying that I was thinking about it, and I finally did it. I searched for a choir class, and I found Pacific University Concert Choir. It would fit within the credits that I needed and into my class schedule. So I e-mailed the teacher and asked him it would be a possibility for me to come and sit in on the class and determine if it was something that was going to work. I anxiously waited for hours for his reply; I was so afraid of being rejected. But when I finally did get the relief of a reply, he told me that he wanted me to come and ist in on the class, and do an audition afterwards. So I went to the class today at 4.30 in Taylor Meade Arts Center. Little did I know tha the whole class was going to be spent giving auditions for parts. So we all lined the hallway going into a practice room, and my stomach was doing summersaults. I was terrified to go in there, because I didn’t know what to expect. I could hear the others that had gone in front of me. This scared me because: 1. I could hear how amazing they sounded, 2. they would be able to hear me, whether I sounded good or bad. Eventually it was my turn, so I went in and introduced myself and we ran through scales to test my range. Once I was doing it, everything felt natural, that is one of the times when I feel the most natural…when I am singing. Anyways, I did it. I finished the audition, and was asked to come back to the class on thursday. I am so excited to see where this goes, and hopefully this will help me in not only my singing, but in meeting new people as well.
Well, time to go and get ready for bed and finish up my last bit of homework.
Talk to you soon,
This is my third official day of college, I cannot believe that I am saying this. It has been an extreme jump out of what I’m used to, but for the most part everything is great.
- I do miss people from home.
- I have made friends 🙂
- I cannot get access to the Wi-Fi on campus for some reason(apparently no one in my dorm can), so I am going to Fred Meyer’s tonight to buy an e-thernet cord because the dis-connection is killing me!
- All of my stuff has fit into my dorm! -I had SO much stuff!!
- I’ve survived 2 days of class so far.
- The campus is gorgeous!
I will have pictures up soon, once I can get internet from my labtop so I can upload pictures 🙂 That’s all for now.
I do not know what to expect. new people and new places are not exactly my thing. But I was just reminded by a very good friend that if I don’t move forward and take chances I will never know what’s really out there for me.
I am actually excited for this whole adventure, it will require me to put myself out of my comfort zone, and when I originally made this decision that was one of the reasons why. Because I knew that in the long run of things it would be the best thing for me.
I cannot doubt that I am loved, the fact of what happened on Saturday[surprise party] is proof of that. People went out of there way to hide it from me, and then to be there to support me and wish me luck as I am leaving. Although when I first got there, I could not stop shaking because I was so surprised and overwhelmed; it was one of the best feelings I’ve ever had. All I felt was love.
Thank you all
You will never have an idea of the great impact that you have made on my life since you have been alive. I know we fight, alot. But for the most part they last 5 minutes and then we are back to being friends with eachother. I protect you and look out for you, even though you don’t always like it. I do it because I love you and don’t want any unnecessary harm to come to you.
March 12, 2010: the day my life changed. Not going to lie, and you have heard this story before….but when I found out that you were a boy instead of the sister that I was dying to have, I was crushed and cried for what seemed like forever in the doctors office. But once you were here, and I got to be the big sister I took my responsibility very seriously, and still do. I remember one time when we were on vacation, and you fell asleep in my arms, and I was the only one who was able to do that…that was like the best thing ever :]
I remember about 3 years later, we had some news, I didn’t understand it at the time, but that news might have been one of the best things that could have happened. Although it has made many aspects of life more difficult, it has opened my eyes to so many things and changed my whole entire life. As well as countless others that you don’t even recognize. I don’t think you quite understand it yet, the impact you have; there may never be a time where any of us can completely comprehend everything you have taught us…but you have.
What I have learned:
How strong I really can be.
Love: affectionate concern for the well-being of others; a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
More about transformers than I probably ever would have.
I will never forget what an amoeba is…
Forgiveness: compassionate feelings that support a willingness to forgive; the act of excusing a mistake or offense
What I want to do with the rest of my lfie.
The name of just about every dinosaur known to man, and everything about them. :]
Compassion: a deep awareness of and sympathy for another’s suffering
I have realized how much I love kids
There are many other things I have learned, but like I said, some of them are probably things that I will never realize that were from you. I know that I don’t always act like I appreciate and love you, but I do. And I know that you will never read this…but I hope you know how much I care about you. I am hard on you sometimes because I want the best for you…I want you to have structure and control in your life, because I know that you thrive under it. It gives you stability.
You have taught me so much, and I appreciate it all. In some ways I owe you thanks for helping me realize so much about myself.
Dear ___, Why is this so much harder the second time around? There is a part of me that wants to open up and give the chance to you, but I cannot get past 2 facts/fears. Fact: I am leaving in 3 weeks to go to college, and the reality is I do not one more relationship that I will have to say good-bye to. Fear: The same outcome will present itself again…and I cannot take another year like this one.
But there is always that thought in the back of my mind, “just do it, it won’t hurt”…all it is is a text, or facebook chat. I had a great relationship with the person in this position before, I looked at you like family and would tell just about everything to you. I want that again, both with you and this new person…but I can’t…don’t know how to start this. You don’t know that this is what I want, but I am waiting for you to reach out some “invitation”. I’m not trying to be mean, but it just seems like theres a line that you can’t cross? Or won’t? I don’t know. It’s been some time now, and I think we’ve had 1 legitimate conversation about something other than college…aren’t you sort of supposed to do this, reach out?
I don’t understand what is so hard about it, for me, it’s opening up to someone new…but on your side, it doesn’t really take anything of putting yourself out there…I know I probably sound very mean, but I just wish you knew this..I wish I could tell you.
One of my friends got me started on doing this a few years ago, she had a book of quotes and just funny moments that she kept. I love finding random quotes, especially when I find them just at the right time, when I need them. These are some of my favorites, and a few I have recently stumbled upon.
“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, love to complete your life”
“Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believee, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
“God places the heaviest burdens on those who can carry it’s weight.”
“If we’re growing, we’re always going to be out of our comfort zones.”
Each of these quotes has lended me some sort of comfort or opened my eyes to something in some situation that helped me to be able to get through it. Looking back on it, each of these quotes have come to me through some way, at the specific time that I needed them. Not by chance.