Category Archives: Faith

In the arms

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You pick me up
and carry me away
with the strength
of who you are.
Carefully manuever
to keep this broken leg
out of harms way.
You shield me
in what could be a deadly disaster.
As the tears roll down my cheek
you gently wipe them away
and whisper
that I will be okay.
You don’t promise
perfection
You don’t say no pain, no hurt.
Instead you bring love
compassion
and strength.

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His daily sufficient grace

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My heart is so proud
my mind is so unfocused
I see the things you do through me as great things I have done
and now you gently break me
then lovingly you take me
and hold me as my father
and mold me as my maker

I ask you how many times will you pick me up

when I keep on letting you down
and each time I will fall short of your glory
how far will forgiveness abound
and you answer my child I love you
and as long as your seeking my face
you’ll walk in the power of my daily sufficient grace.

At times I may grow weak
and feel a bit discouraged
knowing that someone somewhere could do a better job
for who am I to serve you
I know I don’t deserve you
and thats the part that burns in my heart and keeps me hanging on

I ask you how many times will you pick me up

when I keep on letting you down
and each time I will fall short of your glory
how far will forgiveness abound
and you answer my child I love you
and as long as your seeking my face
you’ll walk in the power of my daily sufficient grace.

You are so patient with me Lord

As I walk with you I’m learning
what your grace really means
the price that I could never pay was paid at calvary
so instead of trying to repay you
I’m learning to simply obey you
by giving up my life to you
for all that you’ve given to me

~Grace, Laura Story

I just found this song and it has left me in a state of numbness. I left our Bible study tonight with a lot on my mind, both about finals and all the work I have to get done in the next few days, but more importantly some fundamental questions that were brought into light that get to the core of me. As I thought about them more and what this semester has entailed, many conversations getting at this same point as tonight…I’m overcome with a feeling that I don’t understand. Yet there is peace in it, maybe this is where I’m supposed to be…maybe this is where God wants me to be at. I ask him for clarity in my confusion. Just like the foggy streets in the early mornings here, my line of vision is blocked by the fogginess of what’s going on around me. When I ask God, the light, to help me understand and see clearly…we will see what happens…where these questions lead me.

Mission statement

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“But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.”

I have been struggling alot lately with patience and being the friend who I should be to people. When I am exhausted, stressed or just trying to figure out my own life…I can’t always take on that of another. I get short and don’t love the way I am called to. It’s made me think, if Jesus were here with me…how often would he get frustrated with me? be completely justified in giving up on me or blowing his cap? Too often. So what makes it okay then for me to act in that same way? It’s not. I have been learning alot about grace lately. Not only how much God has shown me, but how much others show me. I constantly fail and could do things better, differently. But they do not jump ship on me or find a way to get out of it.

While we were in Seaside a few weeks ago my pastor presented a question to us about what the “mission statement” of our life would be. I have been being reminded over and over these past few months of loving others, and that if I love Christ, that is shown through loving others. In being patient, forgiving and understanding of the things I can’t change. My mission statement seems simple when I say it, as though there isn’t much to it, but it is a challenge that anyone would be challenged to take on. To show the same love and grace that God has shown me to those who I call family and friends as well as those who have hurt me or are strangers. If I truly treated each person I came into contact with as if they were Jesus, how would my life look different?

Carried

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So I started this a week late, I found it here  https://betterthanahallelujah4041.wordpress.com/2011/11/14/write-it-girl/ ) I’m challenging myself to this. So many times I begin to write something and then delete it or filter so much of what I am feeling. I am trying to become more transparent and open in my interactions with other people as well as with God. There is a voice inside my head that still tells me “They won’t accept you if they knew that part about you. They won’t love you. You can’t be good because of that part of your past. You aren’t worth their friendship and love.” These are all lies that Satan has fed into my head, and that I have believed for much of my life until I became a part of a community that shed some light on those lies. Sometimes I get so frustrated with myself because I have believed these ridiculous things, and still, to this day struggle with many of them.

It’s funny when I reflect like this, and like in a conversation I had today with a friend, how everything really does seem to be connected. The struggles I have been facing through the past month, the questions I have been asking, scriptures I have been reading, my reading Grace for the Good Girl, even as far back as discussions and struggles I faced over this past summer…it’s all connected. And it makes sense, because it all comes down to my heart, and where I place it. Do I place it in the world, with the opportunity of being crushed and violated or do I place it at God’s feet, and let him pick me up and carry me through life? The second one sounds much more appealing and comforting doesn’t it?? I think so. This makes me think of those footprint in the sand poems, the one that I remember reading describes a dream in which a man saw scenes from his life. In each scene there were two sets of footprints, one his and one God’s; but he noticed that in some of the scenes, the ones that turned out to be the lowest of his life, when he faced trials, there was only one set of footprints. So he turned to God and asked him about it.

“Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you’d walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during
the most troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why when I needed you the most
you would leave me.”

The Lord replied,
“My precious, precious child,
I love you and would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then I carried you.”

This is such a powerful image for me, and helps me be able to connect the idea of God as my father to my relationship with him. We can’t understand the vastness of the love, grace and mercy that he showed us…but we can love him with all our hearts and try to make our lives look as his, loving as he did.

Sarah 🙂

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http://www.29lincolnavenue.com/2011/11/write-it-girl-week-1/

that God shaped hole in my heart

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You want to be real, you want to be empty inside

You want to be someone laying down your pride

You want to be someone someday

Then lay it all down before the king

You want to be whole, you want to have purpose inside

You want to have virtue and purify your mind

You want to be set free today

Then lay it all down before the king

This is my desire, this is my return

This is my desire to be used by You

You want to be real, you want to be empty inside

And I know my heart is to feel you near

And I know my life

It’s to do your will

It’s to do your will

All my life I have seen

Where you’ve take me

Beyond all I have hoped

And there’s more left unseen

There’s not much I can do to repay all you’ve done

So I give my hands to use

~ My Desire, Jeremy Camp

I have been challenged many times in the past few weeks as to what I am really pursuing, what am I living my life for? As these questions have been asked of me and I have been looking more into what it is that I am valuing and where I am placing my life I have been given many reminders along the way of God’s goodness and love for me. One of the songs that we sang last week at our college group has stuck with me through all the questions and times when I don’t know the answers. “Sovereign, You are still sovereign even when confusion has blinded my eyes.” I don’t understand all of what’s going on right now…I have been asking why I can’t have these things…it didn’t make sense to me why people who live their lives for Christ often don’t have their dreams fulfilled, their lives don’t look like the picutre they painted. I thought that I was trying to be a follower, not just a believer. But in fact I was still relying so much on my own strength and trying to make happen what I want. A friend of mine unknowingly pointed out to me that by having the things that they valued so much slowly taken away they were stripped down to who they are and how they define themselves. This is what I have been facing the past few weeks: like sand slowly slipping through the fingers of a tightly clenched fist, I could see dreams and plans dissolving right in front of me but I was still trying to rescue them. The journey begins of unclenching my fist and holding those things with an open hand and telling God that he can have whatever he wants.

 “Holy Fire burn away, My desire for anything

That is not of you and is of me.

I want more of you and less of me.”

~Empty Me, Jeremy Camp

This verse describes where I am. The other day I was talking with one of my friends about all of this, how much I want so many of these dreams and how my plans are so important to me. She said that one thing she had been reminded of and shown lately was that if it’s not from God, she doesn’t want it. Hearing it said like this made me really look at all the different things that I wanted and question what it was about them that I wanted so much? All the things that I want can be found in a relationship with God. The longing that I have in my heart, that I think can be filled with a boy or by having more friends is there because God wants me to pursue him and ask him to fill that “God shaped hole” as someone put it to me yesterday 🙂

“Jesus said to them, ‘I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.'” John 6:35

shatter

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a glass jar sits on a table
slowly it’s nugged closer
and closer
to the edge,
but being careful to never let it fall.

one day an earthquake comes
the class shakes back and forth
and we’re afraid it’s going to fall
and break
but it doesn’t
it is one piece
and continues to be

so here we are again
nugging closer
and closer
until one day…
it’s time
we push it off
watch it fall
and shatter

we think there is no way to get it back,
no fixing that can be done
but oh so wrong we are.
gently we pick up each piece
and lay them side by side.
the new adventure is,
putting them back together.

the jaded edges,

the chips and scrapes,

these make
a special, individual, creation.

No matter where I’ve been, no matter where I am. God will take my just as I am, whole, broken, shattered. He just wants me. Sometimes it takes the shattering to be able to really understand. And without being there, we can’t be made into something new. Something better.

“But You never said the road would be easy
But You said that You would never leave
And You never promised that this life wasn’t hard
But You promised You’d take care of me

So I’ll stop searching for the answers
I’ll stop praying for an escape
And I’ll trust You God with where I am
And believe that You will have Your way
Just have Your way, just have Your way

When my friends and my family have left me
And I feel so ashamed and so cold
Remind me You take the broken things
And turn them into beautiful”

Britt Nicole, Have Your Way

Provision

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The peace that I find in this song is in being reminded that when I have given all of me, exhausted all my resources and energy…God is still there and providing. The past few days have been a rollercoaster of exhaustion, excitement, anxiety, stress, happiness, community and family. And as I’m sitting here beginning to freak out over the fact that I don’t have a job yet…and the availabilities are less and less…this line is constantly running through my mind. “How can I come to the end of me but somehow still have all I need?” No matter if I get a job or not…God will provide for me the things I need. He made a way for me to get here this year, and has provided in so many different ways already, all that’s missing is my trust. Complete trust.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philipians 4:6-7