Stepping out from the mask

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In Christ alone my hope is found

He is my light, my strength, my song

This cornerstone, this solid ground

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease

My Comforter, my All in All

Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh

Fullness of God in helpless Babe

This gift of love and righteousness

Scorned by the ones He came to save

Til on that cross as Jesus died

The wrath of God was satisfied

For every sin on Him was laid

Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay

Light of the world by darkness slain

Then bursting forth in glorious day

Up from the grave He rose again

And as He stands in victory

Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me

For I am His and He is mine

Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death

This is the power of Christ in me

From a life’s first cry to final breath

Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man

Could ever pluck me from His hand

Til He returns or calls me home

Here in the power of Christ I stand

As the past few days of summer have been coming to an end, and I am sitting in the airport waiting to begin another year of my new life. My heart is perplexed with so many different feelings. Excitement. Anxiety. Peace. Fear. Love. Longing. There has been alot of reflection in the past few days, in the summer as a whole. There have been many lessons taught, both that I had seen coming and other that blind sighted me. Ones that stripped me down and made me realize just how weak I am apart from Christ.

I never know what is too much to post in one of these things, sometimes I start writing and when I see some of the things I write…I think, I can’t put this out for the whole world to see. But what if I did, what if I let go of my mask that I hold on to so tightly? What if I let people see the real me? If I answered questions truly truthfully, emotion and all…This has been a question I have been struggling with this past year. I found myself having conversations, sharing and loving in a way that I never had before. This strength and vulnerability and desire for change was not coming from me alone, but from the One who knew all of my insecurities, fears and secrets already. The past 3 months have been filled with answers and more questions. With a new way for me to look at my Father, and what he wants for and from me.

I am a daughter. A daughter of a king. Being brought to my knees daily, painful days and weeks, was probably one of the best things that happened. Having the things that I valued so much, held on a pedestal…and defined myself by, challenged and examined in relation to what I was professing as the ultimate desire of my life, Christ. It doesn’t matter what I look like, my relationship status, the number of friends I have, the number in my bank account…I have been and am being pursued by someone much better than anyone I could find on this earth. I have been shown more love through one sacrifice than any amount of friends and family could show me. I am beautiful and valued in a way that no one can see or take away from me.

As expected to come from such difficult conversations, there was raw emotion…my heart was laid out on the floor in front of someone, I was
at my most vulnerable. But unexpected was the closure I was beginning to find(that doesn’t mean the pain is gone, in fact it might have been the start)…but I knew what I was feeling now. I had lost a part of myself and was desperately wanting and frantically searching to get it back. But I can’t. So now starts a rebuilding. But this time will be different, because my foundation is different, stronger. My rock is not in the flesh, but in the one who loves me more than I could ever imagine.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand

All other ground is sinking sand,

All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness veils His lovely face,

I rest on His unchanging grace;

In every high and stormy gale,

My anchor holds within the veil.

Through the reading I have been doing these past few weeks God has been speaking to me in a new way, He has revealed to me the little girl that lives inside of me. Showing me the longings of her heart, the scars and bruises that she brings to me as well as the joys. When this journey began I didn’t know what to think, part of me pushed it away…I wanted to keep those memories and questions and unfulfilled desires buried. But as I continued to walk in this, I began to want to uncover those things, I deeply desired to let that little girl, who is a part of me, grow along with me…in the life that I have now.

For so long I have feared having to face the past, the messages that I sent myself about who I was and what life was about. But now I stand with them here in front of me. Instead of looking at it as something to flee from, I am looking at it as a gift. The chance to look at who I am and who I am becoming and turn around…to pursue Christ with my heart and life.

How great is our God

Sing with me how great is our God

All will see how great, how great
is our God

Name above all names

You are worthy of all praise

My heart will sing

How great is our God.

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